It all makes sense......5

Dear Searchers of the truth,

Is it just me, or are any of the sheep people in this dehydrated rock, that is “girt by sea” questioning the sending of Australian troops to Muslim influenced trouble spots?

I only ask because several years ago, whilst on a secret fact finding mission to Indonesia, (what the fuck ever happened to my Marijuana Boogie Board?) I received a piece of material with strange markings on it. My first thought was “oh fuck no, don’t tell me paisley’s back. I just threw all of my old shirts out”. I soon realised that the material was in fact a document that had been penned in Arabic by no other than Abu Bakar Bashir the leader of Jemaah Islamiah.

I took it back to my hotel room and began the painstaking exercise of deciphering the parchment. It spoke of world peace, respect and education for women and demanded the immediate cease of fucking barnyard animals (specifically pigs and goats) in the name of hallA.

hallA? Fuck! I was reading it backwards. I had to start again. 18 hours later, the information I had deciphered shocked and surprised me to my very core. Worse than the Zombies from Canberra or the fact that Jeanine Howard is not Johns cousin (or sister).

The Indo Muslim extremists have finally realised that Australia has a limited number of trained personnel and only 30% of our hardware (tanks, subs, planes etc) can operate without crashing, falling out of the sky or running aground. This coupled with the fact that you could swim to Darwin from Jakarta makes us a key target for invasion.

Well here we go. A shit load of resources sent to Iraq on a peace keeping mission. By the way, the Japanese are in cahoots with Bin Laden and as such demanded Aussie troops to look after them in Iraq to support the invasion. They are still bitter about losing the war in the Pacific and have been promised Kim Beazley, Amanda Vanstone and Phil Gould (for research purposes of course) for co-operating. Dili has blown up again. This time it is a Muslim militia disguised as disgruntled Government forces doing the damage. Yeah let’s send a whole lotta armed love over there, and some Feds as well. Jakata has been razed to the floor, not by an earthquake, but by 5000 simultaneous suicide bombers, sacrificing themselves in the name of Allah to suck more finances and resources out of us.“Its all about looking after our backyard” Well guess what Howard, you penis fly trap in a wallaby tracksuit?? The back yard is poised to move indoors!!!

On further reflection I now pose the question: is this a bad thing?

We could barter for our petrol (alright then, $.80c per litre, plus you throw in your sister and 2 goats…). Our traffic problems would be solved with the existing 3 lanes of freeway becoming 7 lanes and the new road laws allowing 3 children, 2 adults and 5 chickens on a motor scooter. Everyone would have a job (selling drugs, selling people who buy drugs to the cops, creating and selling kindergarten level sculpture and art pieces, rice growing, harassing tourists to attend property seminars etc). The women would be well behaved and would start treating the men with the respect we bloody well deserve (YEAH YOU HEARD RIGHT NATASHA YOU WORN OUT SLAPPER!!!! SHUT YOUR HOLE AND GET ME A BEER - NOW. I WILL SHAG YOU WHEN I AM GOOD AND READY FFS!!!)

On second thoughts........

Selamat tinggal. Bandara dimana? Karcis ke New Zealand berapa?