It all makes sense when you say it out loud - 4

Dear searchers of the truth,

I recently received a call from Father Feelya, a dried up and withered man of the cloth. He claimed to have important information and concerns regarding the youth of Australia and asked to meet me in the darkened alley beside the Ori in Springwood at midnight. After I politely told him to fuck off (I wasn’t falling for that one again…) we decided that we should hook up in a more public spot. He told me he had intercepted a top secret document and thought that it needed me to fully investigate it.

Upon reading the document, (fully expecting it to contain his happy snaps of naked under aged borders from Barker and Kings Colleges) it appears that Hillsong Church has decided to go all Jones Town and meet their supposed maker en mass, arsenic cordial style.

Speaking of Christ, let me start by stating that Jesus supposedly died for each of us (except not for the homosexuals, communists, blacks, witches, Asians, life insurance salesmen, Buddhists, buskers, Hindus, Moslems, stage magicians, Hare Krishnas, Scientologists, puppeteers, astrologers, kkklansmen, referees, al Meditationists, informercial producers, Jehovahs' witnesses, health food store owners, Mormons, Pagans, Hulk Hogan, Gasnier, Wiccans, advertising executives, Roman Catholics, lawyers, mime artists, people who wash windows at traffic lights, atheists, politicians and anyone selling Amway - but he died for EVERYONE else). The bible is perfectly clear on this. This over published misinterpreted waffling piece of ancient text is shite. The plot has more holes in it than the Jew king when he was up on the cross. Let me condense it for you - "YOU ARE NOT WORTHY YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT". Write this in the cover of your own personal bible and rip out all of the pages and bin them. It will save an enormous amount of time. However, I digress....

The fact that 30,000 pretty young things from the Hills district are soon to be shuffling off this mortal coil concerned me not - investigation closed. Falling into no less than 6 of the above exempted categories, I have never felt the need to embrace the dual edged sword of religion. The closest I ever came to considering a life of purity and enlightenment was Christmas 1976 when I prayed my ass of for a G.I Joe. (Both Santa and Jesus are hope and dream crushing cunts.)

It does however pose the question of the value of a human life.

Ask almost anybody this question and you will get some tree hugging regurgitated bollocks about how life has value beyond any monetary calculation. I am here to tell you that's crap.

By my calculation the value of most human beings is in the vicinity of a couple of bucks at most. There's a few ways to calculate this but the answer is always of the same order of magnitude. First there is the cost of the raw materials. We've probably all seen the calculations on the internet - so much carbon, iron, calcium, water and the like that go to make up a human body.

A second way of calculating the value of human life is thus: two minimum wage teenage losers spend about 10 minutes fumbling around in the back seat of a stolen 1972 Datsun 180B, and the result is a baby. If their time is worth $5.00 an hour (each) I figure that the human life they create is worth approximately $1.67. If each of the people involved earns 10 times that amount, throw in a couple of post coital cigarettes, we are still talking about less than 20 bucks. This raises another question, is Kerry Packers children worth more than yours or mine? The answer is obviously hell yeah.

TAB Corp have the odds for the existence of god at 13-1. Natasha has a lazy $50.00 each way...