Aussie's Overseas Update

Once again I can't truthfully say that this isn't one of Labrat's escapades. Maybe when they were experimenting on him they made an army of clones and released them to wreak havoc on the world.

Apparently, an aussie bloke flew to the states to be the best man at a mates wedding. So far so good. After spending a night on the turps he and the like minded group he was with headed for home. Whilst he knew where the street he was staying was he couldn't remember which house. To solve this he started bashing on doors along the street (quite sensible I thought). This method was probably working until one of the houesholders produced a gun and followed them back into the street. Somewhere about this time or beleaguered hero and his new best mate with the gun were arrested and charged with breaching the peace.
Sitting in the local lock up and finding himself alone, he did what any Aussie male would do when bored by himself and with time to kill - had a wank! Unfortunately he was being monitored by CCTV and copped a second breach of the peace (what's happened to the world when a man can't bat off when he's alone? FFS!).
He was realeased on bail but too late for the wedding and told by the family that his services were no longer required.

Fucking Legend!!

here's the full story - Aussie Overseas

Blueys Parenting at Work

Let's have a little poll gentlemen. Please forward your guess for who's children these two are. They will remain anonymous for the sake of their poor mother but, let's see what you think.

W.T.F. !!!

Fast-food industry is fattening up its fare & America is eating it up

By Kate Santich - Orlando Sentinel - September 19 2006,

Surely every American old enough to place his own Happy Meal order knows there's an obesity epidemic in this country. Despite this -- and despite piles of research on the evils of diets high in saturated fat and sodium and low in fiber -- American fast-food chains continue to roll out bigger, fatter, more decadent fare.Consider this summer's debut of Burger King's BK Stackers, which include a Quad Stacker option of four slabs of beef, four slices of cheese and up to eight slices of bacon -- "smothered," as the company puts it, in a creamy sauce.

"This burger might better be called the quadruple-bypass special," says Jeff Novick, director of nutrition for the Pritikin Longevity Center. "Fast food like this is great if you're in a hurry -- to die."The behemoth sandwich -- defibrillator sold separately -- contains 1,000 calories and a whopping 68 grams of fat, including 30 grams of saturated fat. According to nutritionists, that's about half the calories and 1-1/2 times the saturated fat the average adult should consume in an entire day.

For its part, Burger King says it is simply giving the public what it wants."We're satisfying the serious meat lovers by leaving off the produce and letting them decide exactly how much meat and cheese they can handle," says Denny Marie Post, the corporation's senior vice president.

FFS! "Satisfying the serious meat lovers."???? Of course all the serious meat lovers (read - fat fucks) would love it! You could shove a pig up a cows arse, roll it in batter and deep fry it still kicking and the bastards would come running. How come you can sell extra fatty food to the obese, but I can't get a beer over 5% alcohol or even a straight shot of spirits at the Lappo? Why do companys pander to fat people? Fuck em I say, taxes should be paid by the kilo!

Although I am going to patent the pig-cow fry up thingy, probably with a chook shoved up the pigs arse, and give it a catchy name like KPC. Between Dodds and Apps I should be a millionare in no time and then buy a pub so I can get some extra strong piss.

ANOTHER AUSTRALIAN OVERSEAS 2: LABRAT VS DUSTY

Another Australian Overseas Pt II
Gentlemen, I must apologise for not being able to locate either photos or the incriminating video footage of my self destruction on that fateful day at the Banff rugby tournament when Dusty and I crossed paths.

Dusty had been kind enough that morning to complement me on my progressive drunkenness during the course of four matches the day before and I can only hope my performance in some way influenced Dusty into his horrendously drunk match on the Sunday.

The action picks up just as Dusty was falling in a heap during his team’s kangaroo court and I watched on as an amused bystander. In the end my amusement was a little too much for the coach who decided his penalty drink straight out of the bottle could go to me. Raising this bottle of gasoline to my lips is the last memory I have for many hours but I am informed this fueled a session of sculling straight spirits with the coach.

Eventually the remainders of my team watched on in fascination as I walked over to a very dodgy looking creek to take a piss. Deciding that holding on to a small sapling was a better option than pissing off the bridge and my mates watched on as I wobbled side to side and back and forth trying to balance and not pitch into the toxic waters. Eventually I toppled face first off the bank and out of sight. On team mate was not too busy laughing and raced over towards me in case I was at the bottom of the creek to find me passed out on the muddy edge of the water, safe and sound.

Not too many Labrat stories end without an angry girlfriend and sure enough I had promised the GF that we would spend time together that night. I spent the majority of the night in the fetal position around the toilet claiming food poisoning.

This wasn’t an out and out lie because I honestly couldn’t remember all the sculling and did not learn about the gallons of piss until the next training session.

Links update

I've updated the links, if anyone can think of anything deserving enough to be there let me know.

Help! I'm a fat kid

A fat kid screams like a girl, and all his mother can do is piss herself laughing. Fat people are so bloody amusing!

THE WORLDS GONE MAD!

Dear Postbillpay Customer
Please be advised that the Postbillpay Internet service will soon change as a result of some billers introducing a payment processing fee to their bills.

If charged, these payment processing fees will be clearly stated on your bill and within the Postbillpay Internet service at all points of the payment process. Once these changes have been introduced, the updated Terms and Conditions of the service can be found in the Product Disclosure Statement, available on the postbillpay.com.au home page via the Product Disclosure link.

Please note, Australia Post does not charge you fees for using the Postbillpay service. These changes are a result of directives given to us by your billers.


So let me get this straight..... These fucken fuckety fucks (not Australia Post) are now going to charge me a fee to pay them my bills ???!!!???!!!. FOR FUCKS SAKE! It just doesn't end. Just when you thought you couldn't be reamed anymore they say "Just bend over a little more!". CUNTS! The world is definitely going mad.

Jack Daniels' odds shorten for Carnage in Canberra II

Bookmakers have scrambled to slash the odds on Jack Daniels for the Kerry Packer and Consumers trophies after some frightening form in the lead up weekend to the Carnage in Canberra II: Quentin vs His Brain. One of the more well regarded consumers in the PDC, Daniels threw down the gauntlet for this weekend when a couple of beers at the pub and a game of poker at a mate's saw him arrive home at 8.30am Sunday straight from the game.

Having abandoned his family all night Daniels pushed his endurance to the limit taking his hangover and twin babies to a kids birthday party on the Sunday as penance.

In an interview with the PDC Spray Daniels remarked how he was eager to hit Canberra this weekend where distractions such as family would be removed allowing him to happily push through the entire weekend gambling and drinking non stop.

The most frightening aspect of Daniels' comments to his competitors was the simple fact they were said in no way as a boast but simple enthusiasm for his heart's desire.

Daniels is no stranger to 12 hour+ stints in casinos and has the form on the board returning to Canberra after surviving as the Buck in the original Carnage in Canberra, where it took until the last moments of the three day slopfest and some extremely warm beer to even make him spew let alone slow down.

Undefeated Premiers!!

Congratulations to Blue Mountains 4th Grade side for their undefeated run to take out the Nicholson Cup 14-0 on the weekend. In the worst weather that Sydney's seen all year, they waded into the opposition and never gave them a chance.
It's a pity those losers from third grade couldn't win going down 9-8 to a team whose pub is also a gay bar! FFS

CRIKEY!!.....Greer you SUCK!

Steve Irwin was a bit cheesy and made you cringe sometimes but the good far outweighed the bad. Sure he fed crocodiles while holding his newborn and sometimes illegally encroached on the space of penguins, seals and humpback whales in Antarctica, but he fucken loved animals. The man definitely had charisma and an energy that brought a smile to many a face. You couldn’t help but like the guy, even when you tried not to. His positive contributions to the environment and raising Australia’s profile were without question.

Now don’t get me wrong. I didn’t love the bloke but he was happy and he seemed like a good fucken aussie. He especially didn’t deserve to get stabbed in the heart by some fucken stingray.

So who the fuck does Germaine Greer think she fucken is to comment, especially when the man isn’t even in the ground yet and has a grieving young family? For example:
(see: http://www.guardian.co.uk/australia/story/0,,1865124,00.html)

"The animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin, but probably not before a whole generation of kids in shorts seven sizes too small has learned to shout in the ears of animals with hearing 10 times more acute than theirs, determined to become millionaire animal-loving zoo-owners in their turn," Greer wrote.

"I find the whole Steve Irwin phenomenon (embarrassing) — and I'm not the only person who did,"

And those who had mourned him with their tributes at the Irwin family's Australia Zoo in what the British had labelled "a Princess Diana moment" were "idiots", she said.

She told A Current Affair in an interview with presenter Karl Stefanovic she did not understand Australians' sense of loss for Mr Irwin, who had exploited animals by telling the world how dangerous they were and then treating them with disrespect.

Ms Greer said Mr Irwin had not treated animals with the respect they deserved.
"He would tell you how dangerous they were and he would proceed to intrude on their space and humiliate really - treat them with massive insensitivity," she said.
"It's no surprise he came to grief."

This bitch is some supposed intellect, some bitter and twisted femo academic ex-aussie, who fucked off to the U.K. and now sits back constantly slinging shit at Australia and Australians whenever she feels moved.
Fuck off and die Greer you insensitive, vile, putrid, nasty, aussie hating cunt of a thing. You are nothing and your opinions mean nothing.
Fill this bitch with concrete and let her go and be with the stingrays.