Ford vs Holden

Ford v Holden peace talks stall in first round

Hopes were dashed last night when the first round of the Ford v Holden peace talks ended without any commitment to future actions. Organizers were confident that the talks could heal the rift in the petrol-head community caused by this decades old conflict, but once again the result was little more than infighting, recalcitrance and drunken punch-ups in the car park.The talks began promisingly.

Spokesmen from both sides delivered a joint statement that no fat chicks would be present during the discussion, and that all parties shared a firm belief that eatin’ was cheatin’. But the constructive atmosphere of the morning soon gave way to bitter acrimony.

No progress was made on agreeing that both marques were superior to Jap crap. A proposed plan to give custody of Mount Panorama to God also became bogged down. By the time the Holden Bridgestone Precision Driving Team pulled out of their scheduled evening performance citing security concerns, the talks were in tatters.“We were modest in our aims,” said GM Motors Holden chief negotiator Shane Warrenburn, visibly exhausted after a tough night of negotiations and “getting on the piss”. “We don’t expect them to start driving an HSV. But their position was immovable. They wouldn’t even make an in-principle commitment to stop calling Skafie a poof.”

Ford spokesmen are dismissive of claims that they were not willing to compromise, saying that they found a “hostile atmosphere” at negotiating table. “We expected to find an willing partner in the peace process,” said Ford official Jim “Nugget” Cooper. “Instead we found an hostile atmosphere in which our position was mocked quite openly. Ford does not stand for “Found on Rubbish Dumps.”Holden rejects claims that offensive jokes were made, saying that none of their party ever said Ford stood for “Found on Rubbish Dumps.” “These allegations are without foundation,” said Warrenburn. “Besides, it stands for ‘F**ked on Race Day’”.“Holden” added Warrenburn.“Ford” replied Cooper.

Diplomats hope that the VB v Tooheys peace talks scheduled for July 2007 will be more successful.