Aussies on the piss at Xmas

In the true tradition of the Australian male, these two blokes deserve a medal for services to the piss drinking standards and cultural experience of Australia!

Drunk P-plater in hot water over bath tow

December 23, 2006 05:29am

A P-plate driver has been charged with drink-driving after he was caught towing a friend behind his ute in a porcelain bath in NSW.
Police allege the 18-year-old used a rope to attach the bath to his ute then towed it through the streets of Griffith.
His 30-year-old companion was wearing helmet, overalls and motorcycle boots for the stunt.
The 18-year-old allegedly recorded a breath alcohol reading of 0.145.
He was charged with drink-driving and dangerous driving and will appear in court on January 10.

Go the drunken stuntman!! Legends!!

Happy Summer Solstice and piss drinking holidays to all the alcoholics out there. (screw Jebus)
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Miss Skanky Slut

Only in America could they have a beauty pageant to showcase to the world thier biggest sluts

By now everyones heard about Miss Skanky Slut USA, but i don't have any pics of her so she can get fucked until i do.

What i do have is photos of Miss Skanky Slut Nevada 2007!

As one of the runners up of Miss SSUSA, she has outdone herself tring to emulate previous winners. God bless her little cotton jocks.





















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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

You'll NEVER hold The Ashes again you fucking arrogant South African Cunt!

Let's hope these absolute drubbings wipe the stupid "I'm the best in the world" smirk off that huge head of yours.

Just goes to show that 2005 was indeed the biggest fluke in cricket history

Cunt/s

World's Stupidest Coconut

That is the dubious title that this tree dweller now holds following his umpteempth warning from Dragons officials for yet another typical South Pacific Islander misdemeanour over the weekend. To think his latest coconut meltdown occured just metres away from the PDC Party on Saturday night has me more disappointed than ever I couldn't put my two bob in face to face with the Fijian Einstein that is Naiqama!

"Dragons Chief Exec Peter Doust gave the strongest possible indication the club was willing to axe Naiqama after he was involved in a street fight in Kings Cross in the early hours of Sunday morning. But the club's leadership group - which includes Mark Gasnier, Dean Young, Jason Ryles, Matt Cooper, Justin Poore, new signing Simon Woolford and youngster Chris Houston - pleaded with Doust to give Naiqama another chance during a meeting in Wollongong yesterday."

Well that'll fucking do me. If these useless choking cunts seriously believe they are to ever win a Premiership ever again they are absolutely kidding themselves with a simple bunch of miscreants such as those abovementioned being nominated as their "Leadership group"! Not only has this waste of space failed to regularly hold down a spot on the wing of a perennially underperforming side, but he continues to have run ins for constantly driving his 'celebrity' mrs' Paulini's suped up car despite being banned until AT LEAST 2013, bashing 'innocent' bystanders at local nightspots, and even bashing his just as stupid girl in public on the odd occasion!! Fair enough MAYBE, and I mean maybe, if he was scoring you 2 or 3 tries a game, but the only thing coco boy is doing on a weekly basis is adding to the total years he is not allowed to sit behind the wheel of a vehicle.

"Please, PLEASE don't sack poor Wes, give him another chance PLEASE!!"

Shut the fuck up Gaz you cunt!!

And as for you Wes you fucking imbocile, I recommend you cut straight to the chase now and blow your career once and for whilst on a one night drinking spree with the King of all Coconuts, Noa "I'll Drink Anyone Under the Table" Nadruku.

Now that would be worth watching......from a distance.......behind a glass enclosure!!

It all makes sense.......

Dear searchers of the truth……

What a topsy turvey year it has been. The distinct lack of any real good news globally has had a distinct influence on my attitude towards life, politics, the environment and religion. As such some of my earlier postings may have contained inappropriate content and for that I would like to apologise.

Recent comments posted on my last article have sent me to the room of mirrors to have a good hard look at myself, and reflect on my outlook regarding all of the ism’s (multiculturalism, communism, capitalism, judaism, narcissism, alcoholism, rationalism, liberalism, feminism, atheism, authoritarianism, fatalism, monotheism, terrorism, patriotism, witticism, americanism, consequentialism, emotivism, epicureanism, and syncretism to name but a few) and I would like to announce that I am a changed man.

Whilst researching for assistance with cleansing my “filthy bigoted male pig” aurora I found plenty of self help centres that would, for a “donation” of a couple of grand, show me how to go on an inner journey which promised to be a passionate inquiry into my own soul, my own personal field of experience. Apparently it’s not enough to be passionately involved in a subject or pursuit that I am interested in learning more about; I have to be passionately involved in my own process. I needed to inquire into and study my own state, own soul; my inquiry has to be about what is relevant to me.

So here I am $2,000.00 bucks poorer, but richer in the knowledge that I have looked within, faced my demons and come through the experience a much more universally aware member of the planet.

As for the earlier posts, I would like to make the following statement:

I apologies to my thousands of followers for the inappropriate comments made in my prior submissions. When I mentioned that the blob like statue on Nauru was an image of Amanda Vanstone, what I should have said was Amanda Vanstone is a fucking massive liability on the taxpayers and should never been allowed to draw breath. I apologise.

My many references to the honorable John Howard being a pus laden penis should have read “that filthy lying cunt who has fucked this nation to within an inch of its life”. Further to this, when I implied that his wife was in fact his sister, I meant his mother. Forgive me.

When discussing Christianity and Christmas, as I did on several occasions, I said that “both Jesus and Santa are hope and dream crushing cunts”. This is obviously incorrect. It should have read “Jesus and Santa are both hope and dream crushing cunts! I’m sorry.

As for Anonymous Abdullah the goat boy from my last post I would like to make a special apology. I’m sorry you fuck your sister, I’m sorry you can’t spell, I’m sorry you have a secret crush on John Howard, I’m sorry you are club footed, have a cleft palate, extra digits on your hands and feet and Leb back. I’m sorry you can’t read a simply document and see it for what it is. I’m sorry you are such a fuck head. I’m sorry that the fraud squad are pulling up out the front to investigate your 4 disability pensions and 3 unemployment payments – Cunt. So very very sorry.

Merry Christmas one and all !!!!

One For The Ladies

Name:
Jacques Vert

Date Hatched:
Unknown

Star Sign:
Pisshead

Profile:
Hey hey ladies, the man of your dreams is here! I'm just your every day kind of guy who enjoys all the regular stuff - heavy metal music, wearing lipstick, cleaning my rifle in my underwear and internet porn.

I'm a bit of a ladies man and have had relationships with some famous people like Seven of Nine from Star Trek and Major Carter from StarGate, but had to break up with them after the judge told me they were feeling "creeped out". - I don't like strange women.

I'm a very caring sort of guy and I always take care of my loved ones. In fact my last four girlfriends get on well with each other and are all staying together in a nice picturesque spot in the state forest.

So if you like hitchiking, walks in the forest, zip ties and digging holes, give me a call for a some special lovin you won't forget!

YOU'VE MADE THE LIST !!!

Whilst this has been on my list of things that shit me to tears for a long time now, today finally pushed it to the very top - with a bullet!

#1 - Organised Religions

Whilst muslim bashing is all the rage at the moment, (let's face it, i'd have the shits and try to justify my exsistence if i was an arab goat fucker too.) And the jews whinge louder than a pom being forced to have a shower.
The thing that pushed it over the top was an article in todays paper.

Flag banned at Digger's funeral

By Annalise Walliker
December 07, 2006 11:52am
Article from: Herald-Sun

THE Uniting Church has again sparked outrage by refusing to fulfil a Digger's dying wish to have the Australian flag draped over his coffin.
The Highfield Rd Uniting Church in Canterbury banned the flag at the funeral of long time congregation member and war veteran Geoff Bolton on November 15.

It is believed the family were only told of the church's policy on the morning of the funeral and were forced to have the RSL service in the church's foyer.

Essendon Uniting Church minister Wes Campbell outraged many by refusing dead World War II veteran George "Dick'" Vipond a flag on his funeral casket in March last year, forcing the Digger's family to move the funeral to a nearby Anglican church. .....(read more)

What on fucking earth is going on here??? Last time i checked this church was in AUSTRALIA you filthy pack of wowser cunts. Not only that, the funeral was for a war veteran!

HELLOOO - this bloke went to war, while you churchy cunts probably stayed here to molest little boys. How far removed from reality are you cunts. get your fucking heads out of your arses and fuck off somewhere else, cause you're not welcome here!

And as for your stupid fucking religion, how retarded is your whole fucking belief system.
Son of God???? WTF?? Yeah of course he was, just like i live with the goldfish of god and have the mulberry tree of god in the back yard. But why stop there, lets have a quick look at the "cult of the dead cunt"
1. Jebus died
2. Jebus rose from the dead
3. Jebus was obsessed with souls
4. Jebus could raise others from the dead
5. Jebus offered his blood to his disciples

If Jebus actually was a real person then he is credited with all of the above. Well NEWS FLASH cunts, so is Dracula! With the exception that Vlad Tepes also known as Vlad III Dracula and affectionatley know as Vlad the Impaler, actually exsisted!

So all you kid-touchers and all your fucking mates from every other organised religion, can go fuck yourselves down a deep hole. You are all fucked in the head and are as capable of teaching moral values as Charles Manson! (who, by the way is also proven to exsist, unlike Jebus.)
Time for all you cunts to go to heaven - NOW FUCK OFF!

NOTE: If you were in any way offended by this article, go fuck yourself. You're one of the people this is aimed at cunt.
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2nd Test Winners Piss !!

How the hell can a team go into bat first, score 551 runs and lose?

This game looked for all money like a dead-set draw. Unitl the soap dogers collapsed in a screaming heap in their second innings, allowing the mighty Aussies to stage a one-day style come back on the last day.

The crowd was streaming into the ground from lunch time onwards, salivating at the chance of seeing the poms choking their way to defeat.

If the rest of the season is as good as this, i'm going to be very, very, very drunk this holiday season

Look Closer

If you look closely at the picture you'll see something very disturbing!


That's right - it's a fucking volvo.

It all makes sense.....

Dear searchers of the truth.

You all know the story…. You go out on the town for a bit of a drinky-poo at some swanky Sydney bar mindful of having to drive home. You have one fluffy duck and two $15.00 mineral waters with twist of lime, when all of a sudden you start feeling dizzy and you ability to speak bails on you. Next thing you know, you regain consciousness in an unfamiliar hotel room with a franger hanging out your ass and a video tripod in the corner!!! You spend four hours in the shower, crying, trying to wash the filth away, and asking yourself “why does this always happen to you?”

Well, I have just returned from a three month undercover truth hunt in North Korea (see future episode) and what do I discover???? Australia, laying on a doctors table with its feet in stirrups, and a doctor taking the franger from its ass saying ”we will have send this to pathology to see if we can get a DNA sample. We will also be testing you for traces of date rape drugs, Aids and herpes etc”…

Fuck all that!!! I know who the culprit is. Johnny (the haemorrhoid on the ass of Australia) Howard, that’s who. He has just bent our once proud nation over and given it a royally good seeing to.

Has anyone really looked closely at what this knob has done? Lets take a look through the "gay rights for play school"……round window shall we, and see what the little bugger has been up to.

First of all, let’s start with freedom of speech. Now before you all start calling me a Will Anderson groupie, let it be known that I detest the smug bastard as much as anyone, however even the most puerile of Aussies are allowed to express their political thoughts in a public forum, and don’t the taxpayers own ABC??? Anyway what the fuck is Johnny doing up that late at night? I bet Jeanine doesn’t know!!!

Second – Cronulla!!!
OK I will be the first to admit the Arab moozzies deserve everything they get and I certainly subscribe to the theory that they aint getting enough of it, (is that incitement? What the fuck! I’ll just pretend to be sick and eventually the law, media and pollies will leave me alone), however, the story behind the blow up at Cronulla and the retaliation that went on afterwards has been held from public release by none other than Jihad Howard. He charged the good guys calling the actions of the Cronulla rabble a racial / religious attack, and when 30 cars full of Lebs belted fuck out of innocent Aussies in an unrelated suburb miles from Cronulla several days later he called it unrelated!!!! FFS. By the way, the Cronulla stuff is still going on. The media aren't allowed to publish it though.

And while we are on the subject of Religion, where the fuck does the prime minister of Australia get off deciding the religious paths of Australian children? I refuse to allow my taxes to sponsor any religious representation in the public school system. Scripture is enough. If I thought my kids needed religious counselling or molestation, I would send them to a Catholic or Christian school. Australian kids don’t need religion; they need fair and reasonable leadership, and a bright outlook for the future.

America
This is where it starts getting scary. Have a look at the unemployment stats, medical services / insurance schemes and poverty in the land of the free and you will see that it is a well and truly fucked unit. Johnny boy wants so desperately to appease big bad George that he is doing his best to emulate the United Shit-splats of America. Not satisfied with removing the rights of hardworking Aussies, leaving them without penalty rates and holiday pay, this pus laden penis has decided to pour a shitload of taxpayers money into an American College! You too can go to America school and learn how fabulous it is to be American and develop an appreciation of American history, politics & culture. Free Gangster hat and Gat with every enrolment!!!!

Natasha and I have had enough. We’ve put a “for sale” sign out the front of the spider hole and have decided to relocate. There seems to be plenty of job opportunities in India for a person with an Aussie accent and decent phone manner “Welcome to Telstra, my name is Buckers, how can I be of service?”