The Wisdom of Homer
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.
Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!
Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
Homer: You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!
Homer: How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. (Makes sound effects and laughs.) Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.
Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.
Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T...
Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Homer: I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Homer: Marge, I'm going to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm coming back loaded!
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.
Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!
Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
Homer: You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!
Homer: How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. (Makes sound effects and laughs.) Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.
Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.
Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T...
Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Homer: I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Homer: Marge, I'm going to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm coming back loaded!
posted by moo | 3:58 PM
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