Who's Afraid of the Big Fat Arse?

(AAP) - Locals in the sleepy township of Lapstone were awoken with a start in the small hours of Saturday morning, when the local chapter of "Fat Repulsive Ugly Bastards" or FRUBs as they call themselves, staged thier annual Festival of the Cock in a nearby park.


Police were called but by then the offending Feltchers had skipped off to a dark corner somewhere, probably doing things that would make a muslim goat herder blush

Witnesses said that the men who all bore a striking resemblence to Homer Simpson, all arrived at the same time. Once there they tore off their clothes with some lining up to play a poorly executed game of leap-frog, which seemed to involve deliberately forgeting to jump, while another wanked off into his toss-sock.


Local residents contacted the Japanese Embassay and are waiting for for a shipment of harpoons and experts to train them in their use.

FRUB hunting is now a national pastime in order to keep the queues at KFC down.

You Bastard....

Cashy! How could you donate to the OSF Foundation after one misely week of whinging from Moo?! We could of at least milked it for another 3 weeks until maybe 5 minutes from fulltime in the Grand Final. The sight of Moo trying to chase down and pilfer the ball from a fellow former OSF whilst he is scoring his first try of the year for himself was too good to witness only once.

You've deprived the 'glub' of at least another 120 minutes of comedy gold Cashman you bastard!!!

p.s Youre only redeeming point is the look of absolute regret written all over your face in the background of this farcical photo....

ANOTHER AUSTRALIAN OVERSEAS

Take a bow Blue Mountains Rugby, yet again you have produced another fine ambassador to our great land and rugby club.

In our return to Banff and our prirate ways this year I had the honour of seeing young Blue Mountains export and amatuer sheep swallower "Dusty" show the locals how it is done.

After meeting dusty's team in the first match he was kind enough to take a dive with the ball and let his elder not look foolish in front of his team mates and then we shared a beer.

Moving back to my own chicken wire enclosure and the keg we were tapping and I lost track of Dusty for the remaining 18hours until the next day where he assured me he was the drunkest man in town.


As Dusty helped himself to my supplies of beer on Sunday around lunch and told me about the night before and the morning I started to get an idea that he would certainly be the drunkest man in the semi final.

He did not disappoint me as my heart swelled with pride to see another half back cleary drunk and while he did not single-handedly lose the match for his team, did them few favours with his putrid passing, inability to catch and general uselessness. It was beautiful. Somehow he managed to keep going however. True Blueys spirit that would not fail him.

What can a train wreck of a man do when he is fully suicidal? Mouth off at a Kangaroo Court. Dusty had enough punishment coming his way only to add to it as he would come out of his coma, yell something, and pass out on someone's leg again. By the time I was being trucked back unconscious to Calgary around 7pm or so Dusty was still going somehow and after further abuse of himself at the team's campground decided it would be a good idea to hit the bars.

Initially the barman found it tolerable, if not a bit amusing, when Dusty and his buddy stood at his bar in the middle of a nightclub completely nude. The bouncers however did not and soon he and his mate were being escorted off the premises as they hurriedly tried to clothe while being shown the door.

Luckily the boys had enough clothes on when they encountered the police at the front door to have the police rebuff the bouncers' request of a night in the drunk tank and Dusty lived to fight another day.

The future is in good hands.

Labby

OSF Foundation - Please Give Generously

Every year, open side flankers, like little Migamoo (pictured right) are starved of precious life giving five pointers. All around the world, flankers spend all of their waking hours dreaming of, chasing down, and in what can only described as cruel, cruel fate, denied their only reason for living, “one under the sticks”.

The recent introduction of qualified referees and multi tasking, fitter front rowers has reduced the once plentiful spoils to meager scraps to be fought over in the same way a flock of seagulls fight over a chip.

We at the OSF Foundation are a not for profit charity organisation, established to assist the plight of the humble Open Side Flanker. Previously sponsored flankers include the likes of Jack Daniels (1^st Grade), Nev Bartos (1^st / 2^nd Grade) and Luke Mido (4^th Grade) who have all enjoyed the rewards of your much appreciated support and posted many more than 1 try this year.

Please, dig deep and give generously. For not much more than 1 extra pass per game, or one blind eye to a knock on / held up over the line, you can help this once proud and dignified creature regain the confidence and passion for life and rugby that so many of us take for granted..

FIVE OH DISRESPECTS DA WIGGA

Dis. Re. Spect.

I found out the hard way that I had seen nothing of the full power of a fully operational wigga. How could things have gotten worse you ask? What is worse than a wigga in full denial of his origins? A wigga being encouraged to act black by a black guy. Which is the greatest crime I ask you reasonable folk?

With my boss on holidays I spent most of the last week in a car with the wigga. Shit country radio was suddenly replaced by a bombardment of rap music, sung by the wigga with all the heart of a kid from da hood. Foolishly the idea of bringing CDs to listen to when i'm driving the cars in from our depot was grasped upon by the wigga and i was shown no mercy as the wigga was emboldened to live out his wish to be black by Honda's token black man, Kado. (Should there be a few more d's and o's in that?)

There looked to be no end in sight and wigguicide seemed to be the only solution when a cop pulled the wigga over for speeding. The black fella became quiet out of natural instinct and lo and behold but the accent from the cop was non other than a good old Aussie. Not only did the wigga cop a speeding fine but also a no rego and insurance fine for good measure as the Aussie cops instincts obviously told him to fuck this freak of nature over good.

With a quiet smile on my face the 6 hours hearing the words "dis re spect" for the rest of the day bounced off me harmlessly.

In his favour the wigga did manage to refrain from threatening to bust a cap in the cops ass once at a safe distance.

Good or Not?

I am undecided if this is a good idea. For a perve it seems to be a monumental leap forward in womens apparell, however it also seems the female equivalent of a pair of socks down the strides. Maybe Briggsy could trial them as part of the uniform at the Lappo until we can decide? (As long as Laurie and Brad aren't wearing them!)
Any thoughts?

Let's Remember................The Fonz

Aaaayyyyyy!!!!!
The Fonz was fucken cool. Everyone knows this.
Fonz got all the chicks all the time. Often two and three at time. And in general public, which no one seemed to mind even though it was very conservative middle class Milwaulkie, America in the 50's-60’s. This was because he was the Fonze and he was one cool mutherfucker. Even Mrs C had a thing for the Fonz.
Fonzie was one tough cookie. No one fucked with Fonzie because he could bash 7 shades of shit out of everyone.
Fonzie was pretty nice to people too unless you pissed him off. He took those 3 dipshit nerdlingers (Ritchie, Pottsy and Ralph) under his wing and looked after them.
Fonzie could do it all. Ride a motorcycle. Make the jukebox work by punching it. Click his fingers and chicks would flock ready to do his bidding, Win demolition derbys. Fuck, he could even jump over a shark on waterskis. Unbelievable. I am sure everyone has got fond Fonzie memories.
I think there should be a new happy days movie made. And the best person to play Fonzie would be that little fucker Tom Cruise. Because he is also the best at everything in the world ie: fighter pilot, special agent, race car driver.
If I had ten thumbs they would all be up.
So everyone raise a glass and remember………The Fonz. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!