Deevs' Olympic Wrap

Not a bad Olympics overall, I must say that I got into it a lot more than i had anticipated. Here's my extended thoughts from 2 and a bit weeks on the couch watching fit people do their thing.
Firstly, all this crap about the best Olympics ever. We hear this almost every Olympics, except for the shambolic Athens Olympics. I contend that if you actually ask an average fan, rather than an IOC official that gets pampered like a newborn, whether they would rather going to Beijing and worrying about being beaten with a rattan stick for cheering too loudly or going to Sydney and boozing up pretty much continuously for 3 weeks at various locales around the beautiful harbour city, which would they pick? Not exactly money or the box is it?
As for the sport, I stand by my contention that the Olympics is full of sports we see only once every 4 years for a reason- they are boring as batshit. I've ranted against swimming before on this blog, as it is a retarded sport for social misfits too unco-ordinated to do any actual enjoyable sports. If I hear one more bleating journo proclaim Phelps as one of the great athletes on par with Ali, MJ, Woods etc, I will completely lose the plot. Are there any other sports where you can even try to get 8 gold medals? If Bolt could do the 50, the 100, the 150, the 200, the 100m skip, the 100m running backwards etc, don't you reckon he'd sweep them? Phelps would win swimming, and thats it. If LeBron James decided to do decathlon, for instance, and train for 12 months, I would have him at $1.40 to win gold. The guy is six-nine, 120 kg, is super fit, and runs faster and jumps higher than anyone. Now THATS an athlete. A swimmer, by default, cannot be the worlds greatest athlete. 98% of swimmers quit by the end of high school, because they realise how fucked it is. Do you know anyone that does competitive swimming? Didn't think so. Great athletes do things like run, jump, tackle, kick, hit etc. Not fucking swim.
As for track and feild, it's a similar story. Bolt is an anomaly, because Jamaica is for some strange reason obsessed with sprinting, and isn't really into any football codes in a big way. Apart from him, the worlds fastest and best athletes are roaming around the NFL, soccer and rugby fields worldwide. If you are the best athlete at you high school, do you run track? Of course not, you shoot for the dollars and play some sort of football. Strong enough to throw? Then pad up kid. Can you jump out of the building? Then the NBA has 15 million dollars with your name on it. Track and field is for people who are athletic but too soft to get hit or too unco to play ball sports.
Some of the other sports defy belief. Synchronised swimming was bad enough, but synchronised diving? FFS. Although it was funny to see the world champion Russian diver, after watching his partner damn near empty the pool like Doddsy on the Gold Coast, look at him as if to say "Fuck you, I'm getting you thrown in the Gulag when we get home"
Also, how can we have beach volleyball and normal volleyball? Can we have putt putt? Maybe one on one half court hoops? Who determines which sports are in because I think we could have the boat race in the next Olympics- its arguably more strenuous than shooting and table tennis is essentially a game played in back rooms while drinking- why not combine the two?
The funniest part of the games was without a doubt hearing the Aussie diver who won the gold speak. For two weeks I had been trying to convince my wife, who was perving on the divers whenever they minced around the screen, that all divers are gay. He made Sixty-Forty sound like Mr T. She was trying to deny it, but as soon as the Aussie started carrying on like Hank Azaria in the Birdcage, the argument against my assertion was dead and buried. Life is so predictable sometimes.
As for my favourite performance of the Olympics, it has to be the pole vault win by Steve Hooker. Nothing like seeing a stringbean bongrat Aussie staunch up after beating a Russian to the gold. Did anyone even realise pole vaulting was an option in Australia? I had no idea- we never had it at the Blaxland High athletics carnival. Random performances like that are really what makes the Olympics watchable- not watching swimmers have sook when they win a silver instead of gold- I'd much rather a bogan chick like Sally McClelland accidentally drop an S- bomb because she cant believe she came second.

Evolution of dance !

This guy is pretty good

It's time to go - NRL

Since i've had enough of the NRL, I thought we should move cricket in a bit earlier.

DAVID BOON FACTS

The concept of David Boon in a drinking contest is an oxymoron. When Boonie is involved, there is no contest.

Alcoholics became anonymous to stop Boonie calling them, "Pussies who can't handle their booze."

David Boon has never been out in a game of cricket, he just gives other blokes a turn.

David Boon famously vomited on the hallowed Adelaide Oval turf in a World Series Cricket match in 1988 before a live nationwide TV audience of millions. (He went on to make 122 and win "Man Of The Match" ).

Just like superman has his kryptonite, David Boon has his light beer.

David Boon's cricket whites were made from the skins of English cricketers.

David Boon has never drunk a single beer in his life. He always has more than one.

David Boon does not wear a groin protector. Cricket balls are made of leather to withstand the impact of David Boon's groin.

When a Danish newspaper published a cartoon of David Boon without a moustache, Tasmanians from around the world started rioting.

In drinking competitions, David Boon has been known to take swigs from his competitors glasses when they aren't looking.

In games of skill, an inexperienced player may be referred to as a NOOB, meaning he is the complete opposite of David Boon.

If Chuck Norris threw a roundhouse kick at David Boon whilst Boonie played a leg glance, the world as we know it would be destroyed.

David Boon has been known to hide a keg of beer in his cricket bag.

In the early days of Australian motoring, David Boon realised that he needed a new type of vehicle. One that was stylish enough to ferry his freshly-pressed whites and billowing moustache to the game, but robust enough to carry ten kegs of beer. And so the Holden Ute was born.

Scientists once said that challenging Chuck Norris to a fight is the stupidest thing you can do. This is wrong. The stupidest thing you can do is challenge David Boon to a drinking contest.

It is the dream of every freshly filled Victoria Bitter can, bottle or keg to one day end up inside David Boon. Thankfully more than half get their wish granted.

Boonie's tears don't cure cancer, but they do cure a hard earned thirst as they are 4.9% alcohol.

Like most people, David Boon can crush a beer can against his forehead. Unlike most people, his beer can does not need to be empty.

Never ask Boonie the time, as his response will always be "Time for your shout." And you have no choice but to oblige.

When "Inside Cricket" magazine awards their Player of the Year, there is fine print on the bottom of the page that says: * besides David Boon.

The runaway success of David Boon's famous BBQ Boon Burger lead to the extinction of the Tasmanian Tiger.

David Boon can remove his moustache and use it to soak up gravy, polish cricket balls or pleasure a woman.

David Boon could count to infinity. He just can't be arsed.

David Boon can make a woman climax by simply pointing at his mo.

David Boon once shot a British plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Howzat!"

David Boon recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Foster's. Boonie won't drink it either.